Tuesday, April 9, 2013

We're not dumb, and we do have jobs

There's a blog post making the rounds about the "etiquette" of what to do when there's a surprise belly dancer at the restaurant you're eating at. I'm not going to link to it because I don't want to send more traffic to the author (because I know I have HORDES of loyal followers) and I don't want to give in to the urge to give a point-by-point refutation of what the post says. Besides, there is a chance that much of what she said was firmly tongue in cheek and she's not really that ignorant or mean (though there's an awful lot of judgmental language from her commenters, too). Most importantly, I do get tired of how every single time there's something that says something even slightly negative about bellydancers, people flip the heck out and inundate the person who wrote it with strongly worded letters, which just makes us all look way over-sensitive.

But there was one point I wanted to touch on, something that stood out to me more than the usual comparisons to strippers and the body-snarking. It was the fact that there were a couple of times where the writer seemed to suggest that the poor, poor dancer was only shaking her thing in public because clearly she had no other choice, no better career to fall back on, and maybe she should go to technical school.

The author is clearly wrong about two things: That most of us make money at this (hahahahahahaahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA), and that we're doing it because we're incapable of doing anything else.

She clearly has never met a real bellydancer. Because I am a dancer, and I take classes with a lot of dancers, I've learned that we come from all walks of lives. There are mothers and single women, grad students and high school dropouts, massage therapists and school teachers. We get people who have never danced in their life, people whose only dance exposure is Zumba, and people who have been dancing forever. And yes, sometimes we also get people who teach pole, stripping, and burlesque, and there's nothing wrong with that either. We have neither graduated from nor failed at exotic dancing, any more than a tango dancer is a failed or graduated ballerina -- they are doing two different dance forms.

Oh, and did I mention the smart people with incredibly demanding careers? I know not one but many bellydancing astrophysicists. ASTROPHYSICISTS. They didn't go to a trade school for that. I know people with jobs so technical, I couldn't even explain them to you, but they also belly dance. I know bellydancing accountants, college professors, and physical therapists. I know dance teachers who can tell you every muscle that you're using and point it out to you on an anatomy chart. I know dancers with high-paying, high-stress jobs who bellydance as a way to relax and make friends after work. I know a dancer who pulls 24+ hour long shifts as an air medic.

But you see us doing a little shimmy at the Shawarma House and you assume that there's nothing inside our pretty little heads and it must be either this or starve. Well let me tell you something, if we didn't have dayjobs, we would starve. Most of us attend class several times a week to keep our skills fresh, take a few workshops a year to hone our skills even more and network with our fellow dancers, and then there's the constant investment in new costumes and props and makeup. The few dancers I know who make a living off of our artwork are those who also teach and/or do costuming. We don't dance because it's either dance or starve. We don't dance because McDonald's laid us off. We dance because we love to dance. And if you don't want to watch us, well, there's plenty of other restaurants where you can eat dinner. We'll be waiting for you if you ever change your mind.

9 comments:

  1. The sad thing about people who make those comments is they are likely jealous and not very self-assured. I've learned, over the years, those who tear others down are the very people who lack self confidence and hide behind snide, snarky, unkind and downright cruel remarks. They seem to believe tearing others down somehow lifts them up. As you said, perhaps that blog author was doing something tongue-in-cheek, perhaps she was serious. If she was aiming for humor, she ought to re-read her post several times before hitting publish to see if what she's saying could be misunderstood (and even that doesn't always help). You have made a great point. Being a dancer doesn't mean being empty-headed or incapable. I had an instructor who was (if I remember right) a geologist and another who was a corrections officer (talk about needing stress relief!) I feel sorry for those who's lack of confidence inspires them to pick away at someone elses in order to attempt to make themselves, they hope, feel better.

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    1. There were a few comments about "Who wants to look at flat abs while eating" so yes, I do sadly think there was some self-esteem/body image issues going on :(

      She said she's going to keep going back to the restaurant (the food must be good), so we can only hope that over time she warms up to the idea of bellydance and comes to regret her previous uninformed comments.

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  2. It is sad that people can't be more open minded about other cultures, new things, people that aren't exactly like everyone else, etc. This touched a nerve, so I blogged too!
    http://kamrah.wordpress.com/2013/04/09/whats-the-proper-etiquette-for-a-belly-dancer-at-dinner

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    1. I love your post! And I think a little open-mindedness in a situation like this really helps. It's certainly a foreign concept to a lot of people, seeing a dancer in a restaurant, so I can understand how at first it IS awkward... what do I do, where do I look, how do I tip? But approach it with a sense of curiosity, not world-weary sarcasm. And I say that as someone with a natural sarcastic streak about a mile wide :)

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  3. So true! Among my dance friends I know several biochemists, a zoologist, librarians, university lecturers, a particle physicist, a museum curator, a couple of nurses, a junior doctor, and loads of other difficult and interesting jobs. And I have a physics degree (which actually makes me less educated than most dancers I know, since I don't have a PhD!) & a day job in the software industry. It's just weird how there's this assumption sometimes that we must be uneducated bimboes :/

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    1. It's weird and sad. Why do some people believe that creativity and intelligence can't lurk inside the same skull? Or that one can be passionate about a demanding day-job AND an art form?

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  4. Saw this apology posted on the original blog post author's FB page:

    Okay, ladies. I appreciate your comments and I know this is clearly a hot topic issue. I don't know how many other ways I can say that I was kidding and it is a satirical post.

    I completely understand being sensitive to these issues. I totally get it. But I'm part of a group that are made fun of more than most people...I'm a lawyer. From the lawyer jokes to websites to hateful rants, lawyers are accused of being soulless and heartless and horrible. But honestly, I don't take any of those seriously. I don't even think people mean them that way. I don't even think about it. Most of the jokes are quite funny.

    My favorite one is "a lawyer will walk a mile in your shoes...and then take them."

    I think it's hilarious and I don't really take offense that people think lawyers are thieves. It's a joke and I totally get that.

    Thanks for commenting and expressing our views. I appreciate it. I truly do. But I really wasn't being hateful or rude and I know most of the dancers have regular jobs and do this as a hobby. I really do.

    I am thankful for the links about the culture and history, as I find that fascinating. I also appreciate that now I know what to do in these situations now. So thank you for that and for taking the time to comment and demonstrate your position. Please also know this wasn't intended the way it was taken. As much as I can apologize, please allow me to genuinely apologize.

    Thank you.

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  5. Most people prefer to criticize because they cannot, or are too afraid to, create something themselves. I once sat through a lunch with some co-workers that spent the entire meal describing their picky eating habits, as if defining themselves by what they hated and disliked somehow made them more distinguished. That's what your author is trying to do, make herself look better by criticizing the woman (or guy?) who loves her art so much she wants to share it with the world. It is easy to sit back and criticize others, and courageous to create something beautiful despite the criticism you might face. Keep dancing!

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    1. You make some good points! Recently I've been seeing a lot of people saying that as a culture we've really come to define ourselves by what we dislike, ie, trash-talking bands that we think are dumb rather than praising the ones we love. It's made me more conscious of my own attitude, that's for sure.

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